In my work with men, I often find that stuck or stagnant energy is blocking success in a man’s life. He’s not getting what he wants in sex, connection, intimacy, or all of the above — and he doesn’t know what to do about it.
Whether it’s a single man struggling with sexual shame, a married man trying to figure out why it’s so hard for him to lead his wife, or a man who’s dating and noticing that he gets really triggered when he feels criticized by a woman (even if he knows intellectually that she’s not trying to criticize him), the root cause is often the same:
Unprocessed “stuff.”
Carrying around trauma is like walking through life weighed down by a backpack full of rocks. You don’t always realize it’s there until you’re freed from it.
And the truth is, women are magnetically drawn to men who are relaxed and grounded in their bodies. That kind of relaxed and open state doesn’t just happen, and it’s not something you’re either born with or not. There are things you can do to get there.
When it comes to processing trauma, shame, or just general stuckness, talking has limited efficacy. That’s part of why you may not have gotten the results you were looking for through talk therapy or couples counseling. It’s usually when we work the body (oh hi, somatic therapy) that we truly experience breakthroughs. Or as my guest, Luke Adler, puts it:
“The beauty of breathwork is that you add tremendous fuel and bypass the mind.”
Memorable quotes from this episode:
- “We men have been acculturated to be thickened up.”
- “It made clear where things were really working in my life and where they weren’t.”
- “Whatever system is stagnant — it’s going to move.”
- “People’s pace needs to be honored.”