My Type

What’s your type?

It’s the ultimate question, right? Is having a type even real? When people say, “You’re not my type,” is that actually a thing, or is it more like, “I don’t want to fuck you.” Can someone be your ‘type’ who you don’t want to fuck? Or is fuckability a prerequisite of type-hood?

I definitely have a type, which I’ve mentioned before. It’s a little embarrassing and more than a little clichéd.

Yup. Jocks.

Seriously though, you can EITHER look intimidating OR be naked ... no matter how hot you are, this photo proves you can't really do both at the same time.

I love athletic men. I love how they move, I love how they dress, I love how they stand, I love how they sit, I love how they drink a beer, I love how excited they get about stuff like longboards or cars. I love how different from me they are. I just love them.

I also love fucking athletic guys because for the most part, they’re not all up in their heads. They tend to live in their bodies, unlike intellectual types who I’ve actually watched worry themselves out of an erection.

I once fucked a guy because he showed up to our date wearing construction boots. Not ugly scuffed up ones (which also would have been fine), but nice ones with nice jeans and a nice collared shirt. He hadn’t slacked on his dressing up for the date – he looked good. And the construction boots were literally the first thing I noticed about him, at which point I thought, yes. I don’t go for loafers or hush puppies or Italian leather – give me a jock in construction boots any day. (Also, it’s not really true that I fucked him solely because he was wearing construction boots, he was also present and grounded and respectful).

I also love – LOVE LOVE LOVE – how a guy with a nice body looks in jeans and no shirt. Oh. My. God. There’s nothing better. Except maybe a guy in a tight white undershirt (it was recently pointed out to me just how insensitive it is to use the term wifebeater … I am now trying to reform my lexiconic ways.)

The reason I bring it up is that I’ve often struggled with the fact I’m attracted to men with nice bodies since it seems a little, well, unfair. Because there are millions (literally) of perfectly awesome men that don’t have conventionally hot bodies. And honestly, it kind of sucks that I’m not sexually turned on by them. It dramatically cuts down my dating pool.

However, the truth is, sexual attraction doesn’t give a shit about what you think. It doesn’t care about who you want to be attracted to, it just is what it is. Some men prefer blondes; some have a thing for women with long hair, large breasts, or huge butts. Some women are turned on by tall guys, some want big lumberjack types. Some guys are hot for Asian women, some for black women, some for Latinas.

Some women are nuts about men who are skilled at intellectual debate, and some are all about guys who look sweet in a nice wool sweater (I am not making this up – have heard this from several of my friends). For many women, a hard body is not even on their list – yeah, it’d sorta be nice to have, but it’s not even close to as important as other things to them.

I’m not like that.

If this is your type, I'm not your girl. Then again, if this is your type, you might wanna get your head checked. Seriously, don't you want a little meat on those bones?

I sometimes try to avoid or hide my desire for men with great bodies because I feel bad. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and I feel like men who don’t have a six-pack feel left out. And if a man were to look at me and tell me he preferred women with perfectly flat stomachs, if I were interested in him I probably would feel bad.

But I also want to be honest about what really turns me on, and I create a space where other people – especially women – can be honest about what turns them on. We need to be aware of what really gets us going, what our bodies respond to, because that is part of who we are as sexual beings. It’s part of our sexual identity. We shouldn’t be ashamed of what gets us hot and bothered (myself included), even if it’s something we judge as racist or unfair or just plain strange. In other words, we shouldn’t cut it off just because not everyone makes the cutoff.

Hey, I'm sure he's SOMEONE's type. Like, for example, a milkmaid...

Plus, knowing exactly what pushes your buttons makes you more likely to recognize it when it does come along. You can also tweak your preference in a certain regard – for example, I’m now comfortable stating that I’m looking for an athletic guy who also knows how to engage in emotional dialogue. It’s not enough for me to be with someone that embodies JUST one or the other. But owning what I wanted on a sexual level was half of that — I needed to know that I have a strong sexual preference for athleticism, and that that’s OK. Because truly, sexual preference isn’t something you choose – it chooses you.

So what is your type? What consistently turns you on? What gets you all fluttery and flushed with desire? Is it someone with a great body? Is it an older man (or woman)? Someone with a J Lo booty? Someone who is significantly taller than you? Petite? Say it out loud! Share it with the world! Leave a comment and say, “This is my type and I’m not ashamed to admit it!”

Plus people who know what they want, are just my type.