Courage, Reprise

For those keeping up with the saga that is my dating life, here’s one for ya:

A few weeks ago I met a really cute guy and didn’t get it together (or he didn’t, depending on your perspective) to get his info. So I posted on Craigslist Missed Connections.

Unfortunately, it appears that not everyone knows about this gem of an invention. For those reading who are currently in this category, Missed Connections is a service for people like me (and the guy) who didn’t get it together to say something in the moment, but want to connect with someone they saw around the city. It’s full of, “I saw you on 1/2/3 subway platform at 59th St. You were adorable in a miniskirt and trucker hat; I was the hipster reading The 4-Hour Work Week. If you get this write back!”

Of course this only works if the person knows about Missed Connections and makes the connection (so to speak) that the other person would have posted. Now, I have actually used this successfully, which I think makes me abnormally hopeful that everyone does, in fact, know about it.

However, this is not the case, and the guy in question didn’t respond. As fate would have it, though, I did receive another intriguing response:

Now this is what I'm picturing...

I’m not the guy that was at Starbucks but I’m 32 and live and work in NYC – I’m told I’m attractive, successful and know how to have a great time always.  I’m a former college athlete and graduated from a top school and currently work for a large asset manager.  Don’t be shy and shoot me an email back–I don’t bite.  I hope to talk soon.

Interesting, I thought, and we had the following exchange:

Me:

Graduated from a top school and a former athlete? That’s sorta my type. What caught your attention about my post and can you send a pic?

Him:

Hi there…Thanks for the email and I apologize for the complete randomness of it…ha. Yes I went to a top school and was on a full athletic scholarship.  Your post was interesting….I liked the straightforwardness of it and thought your picture was cute, even if it was of just a pair of someone’s legs. Let’s talk a bit first…i try to be a bit cautious being this is CL and with my line of work…we can trade pictures eventually…Would love to know more about you.

Cool, I’m thinking. He sounds interesting, he asks good questions, we’re getting to know each other a bit, which is sort of fun, and hey — look at me! I’m inadvertently internet dating! That’s sort of exciting.

So I won’t bore you with all the details, but he and I correspond for a few weeks on and off. After I asked him more specific questions about his schooling to get a sense of whether he actually attended the institutions, and other identity-determining queries, here were some other things we covered:

Him to me:

What am i reading? haha…I don’t read for leisure–I have so much shit to read for work and huge piles of stuff i’m behind on…but once I catch up, maybe Ill take some suggestions from you if that’s ok 🙂 …hopefully you write back soon.  Also, mind giving me a full description of you?  Will help me get a better idea…anyways, have a great holiday and write back.

Me to him:

Sucks about your ACL. Hot that you’re an athlete. Are you still in nyc or are you home for the holidays?

I’m petite, caucasian, blue eyes, dirty blonde, and slim. I think that’s what you meant by description. What about you?

His reply:

Hey you–glad you made it back and great to hear from you. I’m out of town at my gf’s family place actually-complete bore. Ha. Just got around to checking emails now and wanted to reply back to you. Will write more later. Write back when you can and have a great holiday weekend!  How tall exactly and how petite exactly are you?

Cool, thanks for saying it’s great to hear from me, sounds like you’re having a good holid — wait, hold on a sec. (I literally almost missed this — I had to reread the message, as may you. Do it right now. Wait for it … wait for it … — yup, there it is.) You’re where, exactly? At your gf’s family place? Gf as in girlfriend? As in girlfriend girlfriend?

Him to me (later that same day):

And I hope we can continue chatting now that you are back in town– I’m intrigued by you 🙂

Intrigued, huh? Yeah. Me too. I’m very intrigued.

Me:

Hey — I’m confused — you’re at your girlfriend’s house? You have a girlfriend?

 

Him:

Hey there-Getting ready for santa to show up? 🙂

Yes I have a gf and yes I’m at her parents place until monday–sorry for any confusion.

Any plans on your end?  What will you be up to tomm? Write back.

N

Him again (later that day):

I hope you aren’t mad or whatever. Just wanted to chat with you and you sounded cool fun and smart. Hopefully I hear back soon and look fwd to it.

Hang on. You hope I’m not mad “or whatever,” when we’ve been writing back and forth off an ad for Missed Connections – which is where people go when they haven’t gotten it together to talk to someone they found attractive. Plus you’ve been asking leading questions and making comments like “I’m told I’m attractive, successful and know how to have a great time always,” which is like the most personal-ads-like statement one could craft.

My (final) reply:

Hey,

I feel misled. Why are you perusing missed connections and why are you responding to an ad if you already have a gf?

This makes me uncomfortable so I will not be responding anymore. Good luck.

His response:

Hey–Sorry about the lack of response.  Just got home late last night and checking emails at work now.  I understand if you are uncomfortable, but I was only looking to chat with someone cool and new…would be good to have a smart and interesting chat buddy when work gets quiet or frustrating 🙂
Hope your weekend was good!

Hang on. You expect me to believe that this whole time you were just looking for a penpal? What is this, 1875?

Right. You’re looking for someone to get book recommendations from, while you ascertain “how tall exactly and how petite” they are. That’s logical.

No. Either a) you’re a perv, and you made up the whole athlete-at-a-hedge-fund thing and you just get off on being in touch with women online (this is very possible); b) you’re pathetic, meaning lonely and bored and not happy in your relationship but not man enough to talk to your actual girlfriend about that, so you’re on the internet trying to get some undefined needs met (also very possible); c) you’re looking to cheat on your girlfriend for some other reason, but in a really stupid way because you let it drop that you have a gf (rule #1 of cheating, take off the wedding band, don’t advertise that you have one); or d) you actually are who you say you are and are genuinely surprised that I wouldn’t want to waste my time exchanging relatively meaningless emails with some guy online when there’s no chance I’ll even get laid out of it. If it’s this one, by the way, did you really go to a top school? Because that’s STUPID.

Who wants to bet THIS was actually the guy? I got five on it...

Sigh.

I need something to make myself feel better … feel like there’s hope in this whole dating business. There’s got to be somewhere I can go to peruse different single people looking for love… I know! I’ll peruse Missed Connections. That’s sure to go well.

NOT.